Living with the obsession
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 @ 12:06 AM
I've a new collection to the unliving creatures on my bed. =) and i played the money sucking machine on my own just to get it.
Check out the blue stich.Its a very addictive machine indeed!Life has been so far so good, but i would say its my mood that sways alot.I feel the stress frm sch, as there are projects every single week.I feel the stress frm society, because i dont have enough money, which isnt a good thing, cos im in debt to people. and by people, i mean my mum, dad and laopo. who said u dont owe parents money, now the CPF board is chasing me for the poly sch fees which need to be returned to dad. SHUCKS.Relationship has its worse turn, as i always feel inferior to others, always wondering if im well liked, or being dislike. it matters alot to me, it always has.Mayb i just dont wanna be looked down upon. Mayb i wanna have an attribute that i can be proud of.Mayb im just too defensive of myself still.Or mayb, im just being sensitive.There are times i feel like giving up, for the facts are there for me. Yet i cant question, for i dont wanna know. Curiosity kills.Self console: its good, at least the good times can cover up. Just covering up.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Past 4 days, it was my grandma's death anniversary. How time flies, its been a year since i've lost that close loved one of mine. She lives closely in my heart. The times that i dreamt of her, the time when my auntie dreamt of grandma and me together. I know she is still living within us, in our hearts, in some of our hearts.I think of grandma almost every single day, its just like how i see her every single day when she was still around.
This fact was something i need not announce to everyone, yet there are those who have to do so for themself. But in fact, its not convincing, not convincing at all.Once in a while, i would look back at the many pictures i took of grandma. im so glad i did, and they are kept as my treasure. One of it was even used at her funeral, it just feels like a great thing to keep these pictures and being able to look at them.Grandma's death brought out family back together, except of some whom i wouldnt need to spell it out. After all, im the younger generation in the family, i wouldn't wanna be called unfilial. Its just misses and love for grandma. This is a world of lies, isnt it? As one lies to you, and then you'll lie to yourself for helping that one cover up. its like a cycle, never ending.Sigh.. Jealous jealous jealous, ignorant ignorant ignorant, contradicting, haappy yet sad.HAHA! What an emotion.What a post of rants. Its just whats going through my head, and as my fingers just move along typing these out, i come to realize, im still defending myself, my heart.